Malaysia is the only country with a fire department that sounds like an explosion - BOMBA!!!
They say you're what you eat, then you must have eaten an angel.
Chinese people have the most fun – hor fun, loh shi fun, mai fun, chee cheong fun, and after having all the fun, they go fun kao.
The only reason why KFC is still “finger-licking good” is because they keep forgetting to refill the soap dispensers.
Whenever I pause a video game to help out my preggy wife, I’d like to think that’s a pregnant pause.
What do mermaids smoke to get high? Seaweed.
Obsessive compulsive gays like straight people.
Non-comedian: How did he come up with that?! Comedian: HOW THE F*** DIDN’T I COME UP WITH THAT?!!
I’m into same sex marriages because sex isn’t the same anymore after my marriage.
As a Buddhist, I’ve always had this fear of being reincarnated as a Born Again Christian.
I think I’m a superhero. I dunno what to call myself yet but I have the ability to make women lock their car doors and grip their handbags tighter.
If you ask for Duit Kopi, I will give RM2 only. If you want more, you should ask for Duit Caramel Latte Ice Blended Triple Shot..
I’m still waiting for someone to invent a table tennis ball that actually goes “ping” and “pong”.
Last time, we brought our coffee to the workplace. Now, we bring our work to the coffee place.
Bras are booby traps.
When two people get together to sell weed, it’s called a joint venture.
My neighbours has so many cats there’s one stuck up their family tree.
In Haiti, medicine men provide acupuncture to their patients across great distances. It’s called voodoo.
I want to start a marathon for the Banglas and call it The Bangla Dash.
When Oprah Winfrey dies, will she come back to haunt us as the Phantom of the Oprah?
Acne can be a very pressing problem.
The G-string on an acoustic guitar and the G-strings ladies wear are quite similar – they both go over a hole but does not cover it.
Cauliflowers are just albino broccolis.
I’m a free thinker. I always think about ways to get things for free.
I dated a bulimic once. She never refused deepthroats.
Moon cakes: creating diabetics since 420BC.
Can anyone help me get in touch with a photographer named Contoh. He specializes in taking shots of Ringgit notes.
Most Singaporean girls are like how Singaporean food tastes – flat.
You know you’re ugly when the hawker aunties don’t even call you ‘leng chai’.
We were never colonized. We just forgot about the overwhelming success of Visit Malaysia Year 1511.
I’m reading a book that has a lot of meaning. The title is called The Dictionary.
Save the trees. Bollywood needs them.
I’m so cheap, my cufflinks are buttons.
My dandruff condition is so bad, as I arched over my glass of warm milk, it became Nestum.
Full me once, shame on you. Full me twice, shame on me. Full me again, damn you’re good!
It doesn’t matter if your cup is half full or half empty. What matters is the size of your boobs.
Semen is actually liquid confetti – when it comes out, there’s a brief moment of ecstasy until you realize the mess you’ve made.
I didn’t have the heart to tell my wife that she’s fat so I gave her number to all the fitness centres.
I wanna make a movie about mutant transvestites and call it The Ex-Men.
I judge one’s driving skills based on the distance between the steering and their face.
Most Chinese girls haves nos ass because theirs asses wents to the ends of theirs English words.
If knowledge is power, then how come those in power usually have no knowledge?
If our police don’t take bribes, then why there’s ‘RM’ in PDRM?
I wonder if Anwar pokes Saiful on Facebook.
If your prostitute has small breasts, ask for a flat price.
I think Touch ‘n’ Go should be renamed “Touch, Rub a bit, Turn card over, Rub some more, then Go”.
I tried tying a turban by myself but I still couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Which one is easier to make – kacang puteh or a piece of cake?
I think my Macbook Pro is an Ah Lian. She’s expensive, quite flat and her name is Apple.
The Malaysian Nuclear Agency is located in Bangi. Now why would anyone put a nuclear facility at a place with a name that spells BANG?!
Why is Ramadhan called a fasting month when everything slows down?
Pick up lines. “You know, they say, you are what you eat. You must’ve eaten an angel.”
If a you want to date someone who cannot lie, date someone who likes big butts.
Don’t trust people with constipation. They are so full of shit.
If vampires suck too much blood, do they get high blood pressure?
I saw a street mime getting a heart attack. Dunno whether to help or throw some money.
Do you realize Black people talk like they think everyone else is either stupid, numb and deaf? Ye know what ah mean? Ya feelin me? Ya hear me?
I’m so claustrophobic, I can only think outside of the box.
Acupuncture cures many pains – except the pain of getting acupuncture.
“Phoon Chi Ho is one of the most tenacious comedians I know. From college gigs to “2-audience member” club shows to sell-out MACC performances, Chi Ho has persevered and come out victorious (most of the time). He also has a good grasp of theater dynamics and logistics which makes him an integral part of a successful comedy show. The word on the street is that Chi Ho is a thinking man’s comedian. I disagree. His appeal in Malaysia would be too small if it were true.”
– Douglas Lim, accomplished comedian, actor, singer and composer