MACC – Planet of the Apeks (Live in PJ Arts)
PLANET of the APEKS – KL/PJ
Dates: 18-22 February 2014
Venue: PJ Live Arts Theatre @ Jaya One
Ticket Price: RM30, RM40, RM50
To buy your tickets, visit http://www.tix.my/
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Joke 02
Malaysia is the only country with a fire department that sounds like an explosion - BOMBA!!!
Joke 01
They say you're what you eat, then you must have eaten an angel.
Jokes Library
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Chinese people have the most fun – hor fun, loh shi fun, mai fun, chee cheong fun, and after having all the fun, they go fun kao.
- The only reason why KFC is still “finger-licking good” is because they keep forgetting to refill the soap dispensers.
- Whenever I pause a video game to help out my preggy wife, I’d like to think that’s a pregnant pause.
- What do mermaids smoke to get high? Seaweed.
- Obsessive compulsive gays like straight people.
- Non-comedian: How did he come up with that?! Comedian: HOW THE F*** DIDN’T I COME UP WITH THAT?!!
- I’m into same sex marriages because sex isn’t the same anymore after my marriage.
- As a Buddhist, I’ve always had this fear of being reincarnated as a Born Again Christian.
- I think I’m a superhero. I dunno what to call myself yet but I have the ability to make women lock their car doors and grip their handbags tighter.
- If you ask for Duit Kopi, I will give RM2 only. If you want more, you should ask for Duit Caramel Latte Ice Blended Triple Shot..
- I’m still waiting for someone to invent a table tennis ball that actually goes “ping” and “pong”.
- Last time, we brought our coffee to the workplace. Now, we bring our work to the coffee place.
- Bras are booby traps.
- When two people get together to sell weed, it’s called a joint venture.
- My neighbours has so many cats there’s one stuck up their family tree.
- In Haiti, medicine men provide acupuncture to their patients across great distances. It’s called voodoo.
- I want to start a marathon for the Banglas and call it The Bangla Dash.
- When Oprah Winfrey dies, will she come back to haunt us as the Phantom of the Oprah?
- Acne can be a very pressing problem.
- The G-string on an acoustic guitar and the G-strings ladies wear are quite similar – they both go over a hole but does not cover it.
- Cauliflowers are just albino broccolis.
- I’m a free thinker. I always think about ways to get things for free.
- I dated a bulimic once. She never refused deepthroats.
- Moon cakes: creating diabetics since 420BC.
- Can anyone help me get in touch with a photographer named Contoh. He specializes in taking shots of Ringgit notes.
- Most Singaporean girls are like how Singaporean food tastes – flat.
- You know you’re ugly when the hawker aunties don’t even call you ‘leng chai’.
- We were never colonized. We just forgot about the overwhelming success of Visit Malaysia Year 1511.
- I’m reading a book that has a lot of meaning. The title is called The Dictionary.
- Save the trees. Bollywood needs them.
- I’m so cheap, my cufflinks are buttons.
- My dandruff condition is so bad, as I arched over my glass of warm milk, it became Nestum.
- Full me once, shame on you. Full me twice, shame on me. Full me again, damn you’re good!
- It doesn’t matter if your cup is half full or half empty. What matters is the size of your boobs.
- Semen is actually liquid confetti – when it comes out, there’s a brief moment of ecstasy until you realize the mess you’ve made.
- I didn’t have the heart to tell my wife that she’s fat so I gave her number to all the fitness centres.
- I wanna make a movie about mutant transvestites and call it The Ex-Men.
- I judge one’s driving skills based on the distance between the steering and their face.
- Most Chinese girls haves nos ass because theirs asses wents to the ends of theirs English words.
- If knowledge is power, then how come those in power usually have no knowledge?
- If our police don’t take bribes, then why there’s ‘RM’ in PDRM?
- I wonder if Anwar pokes Saiful on Facebook.
- If your prostitute has small breasts, ask for a flat price.
- I think Touch ‘n’ Go should be renamed “Touch, Rub a bit, Turn card over, Rub some more, then Go”.
- I tried tying a turban by myself but I still couldn’t wrap my head around it.
- Which one is easier to make – kacang puteh or a piece of cake?
- I think my Macbook Pro is an Ah Lian. She’s expensive, quite flat and her name is Apple.
- The Malaysian Nuclear Agency is located in Bangi. Now why would anyone put a nuclear facility at a place with a name that spells BANG?!
- Why is Ramadhan called a fasting month when everything slows down?
- Pick up lines. “You know, they say, you are what you eat. You must’ve eaten an angel.”
- If a you want to date someone who cannot lie, date someone who likes big butts.
- Don’t trust people with constipation. They are so full of shit.
- If vampires suck too much blood, do they get high blood pressure?
- I saw a street mime getting a heart attack. Dunno whether to help or throw some money.
- Do you realize Black people talk like they think everyone else is either stupid, numb and deaf? Ye know what ah mean? Ya feelin me? Ya hear me?
- I’m so claustrophobic, I can only think outside of the box.
- Acupuncture cures many pains – except the pain of getting acupuncture.
143
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